Ashley's JournalFriday, October 29, 20048:29PM - Fine Arts...Hey i was wondering if anyone has taken a good Fine Arts Class, it can be upper or lower division...just something esay and fun...thanks! Friday, March 26, 2004Thursday, March 25, 200410:44PM - let's take the moon and make it shine for everyone...*sigh*this is what i live for. There is no other feeling like it. Tonight was the first time in a very long time that i have been content with everything. I couldnt have asked for a better moment, my best friend and i singing with all of our hearts and being, to that songs that got us by while we were apart, it was surreal in a way. Now i know why i listen to the music i do, it was like a revival of my soul...tonight i realized that it isnt worth being sad that jeff and i arent friends anymore...but to just deal with it and finally move on. Hm he actually called me today and i didnt say a word about him forgetting my birthday, i didnt even wanna get into it, its like what do i say? so we small-talked for a few mins and said our goodbyes. Don't do me favors and call because you feel like you have to, only call when you actually wanna talk to me, or maybe to wish me a happy birthday. Tonight was so special to me...the best $15 ever spent on myself...if only it could last forever. Current mood:  rejuvenatedCurrent music: GUK-mass pike (classic) Wednesday, March 24, 200411:36AM - I guess this is the end....i tried to repair it...i wanted it to work out and for it to be the same as it used to be. I knew deep down that it was too far gone for it ever be normal between us anymore. I didn't listen though. Stupid me for expecting a call on my birthday, it was that night that i finally realized that it was over, and everyday that passes since then...and i dont get a call...is just another reminder of how different things really are. If someone told me last year at this time that things would be the way they are, i would have not believed them for a second. I was so infatuated with him...he consumed me, the thought of us not being friends would bring tears to my eyes, it still does. Although i know it is over, and never to return...i can't over it...or fully move on...im hopeless. Current mood:  crushedCurrent music: coldplay Friday, March 19, 20047:54PM - and im talking, enough for the both of us...It's sad when you spend friday night of springbreak home doing an essay because your boyfriend it out of town... hm, i have people i could call, but for some reason i don't feel like making that effort...what a waste of a night. Current mood:  blahCurrent music: she will be loved- maroon 5 Thursday, December 25, 20033:25PM - silent night remixso lastnight at church, we are singing slient night, and jess hits me and goes didnt you make up a fake silent night? and i could not stop laughing... Silent Night (Quite Evening) Holy Night (Let's Pray) All is Calm (Smooth Sailing) All is Bright (Candelishious) 'Round young Virgin Mother and Child (Virgin Mother?) Holy Infant so Tender and Mild (Good Baby!) Sleep in Heavenly Peace, Sleep in Heavenly Peace (Goodnight!) Kayc, we are huge dorks, remember falling asleep singing that over and over again? wow, never forget it. Current mood:  thankfulCurrent music: im sick of christmas music Saturday, June 28, 20039:53PM - i've gone this far so i'll keep tryin'. continue to fight, hope that i don't end up dyingi feel betrayed. bitch. Current music: JEW-no sensitivity-acoustic Saturday, May 17, 200311:02PM - UGHdo me and everyone else i know a favor and shoot me in the face. Friday, May 2, 20032:07PM - im backits been a long time since my last update. Current mood:  contemplativeCurrent music: everlong-foo fighters Monday, March 31, 20036:00PMSo....im 1/2 way done with it... i realize after friday my brain is going to shut down. This is like the last real assignment i am going to do during highschool and i cannot wait to turn it in. Im really happy with how stuff is going now...but who knows when that will change. Im so glad hes given up on her, i knew it wasnt going to work out but that was something he had to realize. Current mood: emo Current music: chronic future-scottsdale brat Friday, March 28, 20036:40PM - just alittle lividso i was so excited and then i come home today and my mom told me to booked a cruise in aug. the exact same time that i was planning on going to canada with jeff. And my mom knew thats when we were gonna go too. So whatever, that really stinks. Current mood: Livid Tuesday, March 25, 20038:46PM - "Your brother said I call you all the time and say weird things to you..." -Brian Plunkettall the crap i put up with is so ridiculous... Current mood:  busyCurrent music: for always-mxpx Thursday, March 20, 200312:56PM - is your heart still mine, i wanna cry sometimes....Tomorrow is another milestone in my life...i have nothing planned tho. i cant believe he doesnt know how i feel...he says he knows me so well, i guess its the me i want him to know. Current mood:  pessimisticCurrent music: frank sinatra-ive got you under my skin Saturday, March 1, 20036:41PM - for always...So yeah--- Current mood:  optimisticCurrent music: mxpx-for always Saturday, February 22, 20037:40PM - all i really wanna say, is your the reason i wanna staySo yeah...today was not eventful at all. woke up to find blakeney on my floor, i forgot she was there. and then went to church, got some food afterwards and went by my and leah's house to drop off a bunch of stuff i got for her...her dad is in town and was gonna give it to her. then i came home. and ive been home ever since. well there was that time when erik and jess came over with their new car to show me and we went for a spin. But yeh thats about it. I was suppose to work on stuff for my college class with jeff but he never called back, so yeah he doesnt have a book...hes screwed but its not my fault. We kinda got in alittle bit of a fight friday night, actually i was flaming pissed...but yeah he apoligized so whatever, its been kinda weird since, like the awarkward after fight thing ya know? I hate how all over the place he is, i can never count on him...and having him as a bestfriend doesnt really work. GOSH i need leah here so badly. its quite sad how i talk myself into needing her soooo bad like i always think, if leah were here, everything would be ok! but maybe it really would. i hope she enjoys the Spin i got her, with chris on the front and it came with a poster...so she better love me for it! Fricken i dont even know, someone just called me and told me he couldnt do homework...but if he could use my book tomorrow, so i said sure. Well yeah---didnt really talk to him all weekend and thats all he wanted to say to me, great 5 min conversation that was stopped because he was outside of pauls house. ash pretty much=pissed. oh well i know ill be over it tomorrow, cause thats just how i am. I totally know what kar means when she says she hates how she changes her feeling about people every 5 mins. thats me! maybe you would call me circumstancial...if thats how you spell it. and my circumstances are never the same, so im never feeling the same. ahhh. so yeh i still havent done any work on my english 102 paper, yesss gonna fail the class and in turn not graduate!!!!! Current mood: annoyedCurrent music: breakfast at tiffany's (acoustic) Thursday, February 20, 20034:16AM - being sick is no fun at all...so after being stuck inside all day because im sick...i figured i needed to vent alittle. First off i love reading lynn's entries...i dont know why but she is just so real. I wish i was able to know myself that well...cause i really end up screwing myself over most of the time because i dont even know what i want so how is like a guy or even my friends suppose to know? So i keep on procrastinating this report i have to do for english 102...i really should be working on it but i just have no idea where to start, so until i do i wont get anything done. Maybe an outline would help...hm what else. In my sociology class we discussed the question of wether or not girls and guys can be just friends without one wanting more...for the longest time i thought it was possible, but now im not so sure...i mean im a living example that it isnt possible. As for Brian, i have no idea what the heck im getting myself into...i bet i wont be able to go out this weekend either, it sucks. DAMN IT- i hate myself sometimes. and how i have to talk myself out of my feelings for people and talk myself into something else. Is it denile if you admit it to yourself and just not to anyone else? will i ever be able to feel anything for someone other than him??? " why cant i feel anything for, anyone other than you?" *amazing* song = my life. im sure i will write more later taking i cant leave my house...and i wont wanna do my paper... Current mood:  sickCurrent music: anything ben folds five Wednesday, February 12, 20032:05PM - "tears fall, down your face. the taste, is something new. something that i know."i hate when im not happy...and there is nothing you, yourself can do to make yourself feel better, like when you base your happiness on someone else...so all you can do is just sit there and wait for the feeling to pass...or sleep it off...now thats a good idea... Current mood: crushedCurrent music: my paper heart- the all-american rejects Monday, February 3, 20035:04PM - am i the only one that hears the tears run down my face, would anyone recognize at all?So i havent done this in qutie some time...i miss my journal! So i got my haircut today, nothing too drastic...just a trim and a few more layers, i feel special when i cut my hair. So sarah has influenced me to think more seriously about my tatoo and finally decide what i am going to get. So yeah this whole situation with a certain younglife leader has really taken up some of my time, and if im not with him, im thinking about him. Its weird because i have never been in a situation like this before, but i like it. Im just scared of how serious it is going to get, but i guess you cant really plan stuff like that out. I mean dont get me wrong i would love a serious boyfriend, but im also still SO young. Who knows. Im happy with how stuff is right now, its funny i write this tonight...then something will happen tomorrow and i will read this tomorrow night and be all what, im not happy right now? that tends to happen alot. But yeh i can talk to kate now and not get all upset...which puts me at ease about alot of stuff. and i love my friends...they make me feel loved...most of the time. Sadie was fun, im glad i went...it was a fun experience, lol and so were the after-parties, wahoo! lol. right. So im off to tucson this weekend with all the girls in family...some girl bonding then im getting my senior pictures done and stuff...i gotta figure out what the heck im wearing. I so tired, i think im off to bed...night. Current mood: peacefulCurrent music: rest of my life-unwritten law Monday, January 27, 20032:06PM - "i love it when you thug me baby..."Well stuff certainly has been interesting lately...i like the way stuff is right now. Family crap seems to be attempting to get better....people that need help are going to get it, which puts my mind at ease. And i found someone that likes me for me, and i like him, what more can i ask for? Although nothing can happen until may, im content with how stuff is now and look forward to what will happen in these next few months. GRADUATION IS IN 17 weeks....wow. whos counting? oh yes and MAD props to lynnie and her photos...i love em, keep them coming!!! Current mood:  cheerfulCurrent music: JEW- for me this is heaven Navigate: (Previous 20 entries) |
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